I don’t want to go to work Just want to hang with Captain Kirk
I am a big Warp 11 fan. Warp 11 are a Star Trek rock band from Sacramento, California. Their songs often feature bad language, sex and drinking but always feature references to Star Trek characters and episodes and a good dose of humour.
I first listened to Warp 11 in about 2004 and have listened to every album they have released since. The second album Red Alert is probably my favourite but all their albums have a few tracks which I love. They have just released their seventh album and to celebrate this I will list my favourite tracks.
All lyrics are by Warp 11 and no infringement is intended, if you like what you see go to their website (www.warp11.com ), or buy their music. Also Warp 11 if you are reading this, come to the UK, I would love to hear you perform live.
- It’s Dead Jim
From the fourth album It’s Dead Jim. This song came out after Enterprise was cancelled and is all about the fact there was no more new trek being made. It was a bleak time to be a trekkie and I shared Warp 11’s sadness in this song.
First they took my TOS
Then they took my TNG
Said “bon voyage” to Voyager
Now there’s nothing left for me
Decommissioned DS9
Now there’s no more Enterprise
Erased the animated show
Yeah, she met a quick demise
The final frontier has been finalized
There ain’t no coming back
It’s getting no reprise
It boldly came and went
Got no Trek to represent
I never thought the day
Would come that I had to say
It’s dead Jim
Space is cold and so am I
Just like Kirk my show has died
Everything has gone awry
I guess it’s time to say goodbye
‘Cause Scotty’s gone and so is Bones
They took their final voyage home
And I guess I’ve always known
That some day I’d be alone
Tore down the sets today
Gave the plastic ears away
Sold the props on eBay
Left my life in disarray
It’s dead Jim
Until they bring it back again
- 7 of Mine
From the second album Red Alert. 7 of 9 is one sexy character so it is no surprise that Warp 11 chose to sing about that in a few songs and I think this is probably the best example.
Flesh and bone and silicone
You’re all by yourself, but you’re never alone
You’re pretty smooth, for a chick full of wires
So cold to the touch
But you set me on fire
Assimilate me
Dominate me
Short circuit my mind
Energize me
Your thighs always rise me
Let’s go out and make your gears grind
Seven of mine
One minute you’re cruel
And then you’re kind
You gave me a virus, but baby I don’t mind
‘Cause I self destruct when I see your behind
I’ll show you the difference between seven and nine
Chorus
Well, life and love are so absurd
And assimilation is the final word
Resistance is futile can’t you see
So, come on now baby and assimilate me
I’ll give you an identity
Locutus ain’t got nothing on me, oh yeah
Let’s grab a shuttle and go to your cube
You bring the oil and honey I’ll bring the lube
It’s not monogamy
‘Cause in the end
When I’m f****** you, I’m f****** all of your friends
Chorus
- Old Country Dr.(The Ballad Of Bones)
From the second album Red Alert. A song dedicated to Bones so of course it is great. The use of harmonica makes you think of the country doctor which is a nice touch. This song gets a sequel as well on one of the later albums.
Well, they call me Bones and I’m third in command
Second in line is a man I just can’t stand
He’s a green blooded, pointy-eared, seven year itch
And when he pon farrs
He’ll try to make me his bitch
Well, I may or may not have divorced my wife
But I damn sure pulled the plug on my daddy’s life
And two months later, well, they found a cure
I’m just an old country doctor on a damned five year tour
The damned teleporter
Yeah, it gives me the creeps
The first time I used it
I couldn’t get it up for weeks
Now my tricorder’s busted
And sick bay just stinks
I guess I’ll just go replicate me a drink
Chorus
Well, Jim is the captain of this here ship
We call her the Enterprise, and the crew’s pretty hip
Yeah, the girls all wear go-go boots and miniskirts
And I spend my days patching all the red shirts
Well, I have been asked to do many a thing
Outside the area of my expertise
Damn it Jim, I know I’ve told you before
Damn it Jim, I know I’ve told you before
Damn it Jim, damn it Jim, I told you before
I’m just an old country doctor on a damned five year tour
Just an old country doctor on a damned five year tour
- Space Happy
From the second album Red Alert. This song is just solid good fun, with a catchy chorus that I can’t help singing along to.
Gonna take a five year tour
Boldly go where no man’s gone before
Gonna travel to the end
And make new friends
Move ahead warp factor ten
Put a miniskirt on my yeoman
Represent the human race
And we’ll make space
A happy place
To boldly go where no man’s gone before
I think I sang that line once before
(But I’m not too sure)
We’ll be so happy – can’t you see?
A zero-g community
Gonna travel to new worlds
Beam on down and meet some green girls
Gonna see what we can see
A fancy-free galaxy
Chorus
Come and take a tour with me
They’ll be no Kahns or Kobiashi
Gonna travel to the end
And make new friends
With aliens
Chorus
- And Thats Why I’m In A Star Trek Band
From the second album Red Alert. Not only does the start of this song make me think of the postman pat theme but it is good fun.
I love gettin’ hummers from chicks dressed as Klingons
Bumpy heads bobbin’ up and down
Like their necks have a spring on
And I know their teeth hurt
But I still get my thing on
And that’s why
And that’s why
I’m in a Star Trek band
I wanna tag team a stripper with Mr. William Shatner
He’ll take the front and hell, I’ll take the back-ner
And when we blow
We’re gonna reach warp factor
And that’s why
And that’s why
I’m in a Star Trek band
Well, people ask me
Where do I find my joy?
Do I like hot girls, green aliens or young boys?
Well, I got two words for you my friend – Leonard Nimoy
And that’s why
And that’s why
I’m in a Star Trek band
And that’s why
And that’s why
We’re in a Star Trek band
- Everything I Do (I Do With William Shatner)
From the second album Red Alert. This was probably the first Warp 11 song I heard and it made me want to listen to the rest. Warp 11 don’t just mention trek, they are actual fans as you can tell from the references that litter their songs.
Everything I do, I do with William Shatner
Loosing all my hair while my belly’s growing fat-ner
And when I drink too much
He holds my hair in his hands
And while I’m blowing chunks
He treats me like the captain
Oh, when we get together we boldly go
Talk about our favorite episodes
I don’t want to go to work
Just want to hang with Captain Kirk
And if I had my way I’d make it so
Everything I do, I do with William Shatner
We drink a couple of brews
Go to the Laundromat-ner
When our clothes are dry
We fold them up together
‘Cause everything I do, I do with William Shatner
Chorus
Hey, spend more time with him than George Takei
Say full speed ahead and we’re on our way
He is so mysterious
His middle name’s Tiberius
And he’ll make me his cabin boy someday
Hey Bill – Let’s go get a tan
Hey Bill – And a green woman
Hey Bill – We’ll kill some Romulans
Hey Bill – I’m your number one fan
‘Cause everything I do, I do with William Shatner
We go to the rodeo and put on our cowboy hat-ners
When we paint the town
We buy each other dinner
We’re fully functional
Just like Brent Spiner
Everything I do, I do with William Shatner
And don’t you wish that you could do it too
- What would William Shatner do?
From the fifth album I Don’t Want to Go to Heaven as Long as They Have Vulcans in Hell. Everyone’s been in situations where they would like to keep there fandom a secret. And what would William Shatner do?
I’ve got a girl, the coolest girl in the world
But she ain’t fly for the guys in sci-fi
And I’m a guy with a model Enterprise
Imagine her surprise if she ever finds out
I’ve got a queen, but she only wears blue jeans
And I am a guy in Kirk t-shirt
Black boots and a red miniskirt
I’ll be in world of hurt if she ever finds out
I’ve got to think about it
I’ve got to work it through
If she learns my dark secret
What would William Shatner do?
I’ve got a chick, in bed a lunatic
Won’t be my whore if she knows I love Star Wars
And I know only one thing for sure
I’ll never score If she ever finds out
I’ve got to make a choice now
Deceive her or tell her true
I know Vulcans never lie but
What would William Shatner do?
I love War of the Worlds, got a b**** for green girls
Alien nations, deep space stations
I love flying saucers, say “live long and prosper”
“May the force be with you”, Mr. Sulu
I want to be your man, “by your command”
Don’t want us to be undone, “danger Will Robinson!”
And if I decree “beedee beedee bee”
Does that mean we’ll be through?
What would William Shatner do?
- Trekie Girl
From the second album Red Alert. When I first listened to this song I was a single young man, so of course I dreamed about finding my own Trekie Girl. My wife now shares my love of Trek and looks extremely hot in a starfleet uniform.
She knows every episode
She wears the boots that go-go-go
She’s got a red miniskirt
She makes me play Captain Kirk
Trekkie girl, Trekkie girl
We go to conventions
She gives me erections
Girl – my Trekkie girl
She paints her skin green
And it’s not Halloween
She rocks my brave new world
She always acts so logical
She drives a Volvo Iike it’s our space shuttle (of love)
She looks just like Britney Spears
Just add a few pounds and some pointy ears
Trekkie girl, Trekkie girl
She loves outer space
Has a black and white face
Oh, girl – my Trekkie girl
I’m her Leonard Nimoy
She’s the real McCoy
She’s got a Spock haircut with curls
And on some nights she tells me
Put my symbiote inside her
She separates my saucer
Yeah, she knows just what to say
And on nights when I loose power
Well it doesn’t even phaser
She grabs my captain’s log
Torpedoes away
She knows every episode
She wears the boots that go-go-go
She’s got a red miniskirt
She makes me play Captain Kirk
Trekkie girl, Trekkie girl
We go to conventions
She gives me erections
Girl – my Trekkie girl
She paints her skin green
And it’s not Halloween
Oh, girl – my Trekkie girl
She loves outer space
Has a black and white face
Oh, girl – my Trekkie girl
I’m her Leonard Nimoy
She’s the real McCoy
My girl – Trekkie girl
- A Song for People Who Never Watch Star Trek
From the third album Boldly go down on me. This really tells you all you need to know about original series trek, plus I like singing the first line of this song to my son (also called James)
There was this guy
His name was Jim
You can call him Kirk
Or the Captain
He had a tan
And lots of women
Every episode
He got to blow his l***
He worked with Spock
He was a rock
No emotion
Nothing could rattle him
His blood was green
And Pon Farr could make him scream
And lose control
Though that’s illogical
Each week they’d all warp through space
Fight an alien race
And the Vulcan would pinch a neck
If you want to learn more
Go to the video store
Or just listen to this
Song for people who never watch Star Trek
Then there was Bones
Dr. McCoy
Worked with Nurse Chapel
And removed the red shirt shrapnel
Chased the miniskirts
Screaming, “Dammit, Kirk!”
Wait that wasn’t him
He was screaming, “Dammit Jim!”
Each week on the Enterprise
All the red shirts would die
But no one noticed or got upset
And the next generation
Will watch in syndication
Or just listen to this
Song for people who never watch Star Trek
And for three seasons
You know what they’d do
They’d boldly go
With the rest of their crew
Like Scotty
He was a Scot
And Chekov
He screamed a lot
And Uhura
And Sulu
But let’s face it
After Kirk, Spock and McCoy
Who gives a f*** about the rest of the crew?
- The Saddest Song Ever Written About Star Trek
From the fourth album It’s Dead Jim. This song really encapsulates the sadness of Star Trek’s cancellation and the passing away of some of Star Treks greats.
It was a warm summer’s night when I sat down to write
The prettiest song ever written about Star Trek
The sky was clear
Full of stars above
I thought of Kirk and his crew
And their mission of love
And I sang the first verse
Of the prettiest song ever written about Star Trek
When the words came out
Everything was wrong
For those who’d boldly go
Had already gone
‘Cause the show was cancelled
And the dream was dead
And a red alert started wailing in my head
And I realized I had written
The saddest song ever written
About Star Trek
Now the sky was dark
Devoid of love
And Roddenberry’s ashes were floating up above
Raining down on a man
Singing the saddest song ever written about Star Trek
And now Bones is nothing but bones
He finally went and took his final voyage home
And Scotty’s body just couldn’t take much more
And I’m sure this is the saddest
Song ever written about Star Trek
I thought about space
And the final frontier
And I shed a tear as I finished
The saddest song ever written about Star Trek
Comments