I don’t want to go to work Just want to hang with Captain Kirk
I am a big Warp 11 fan. Warp 11 are a Star Trek rock band from Sacramento, California. Their songs often feature bad language, sex and drinking but always feature references to Star Trek characters and episodes and a good dose of humour.
I first listened to Warp 11 in about 2004 and have listened to every album they have released since. The second album Red Alert is probably my favourite but all their albums have a few tracks which I love. They have just released their seventh album and to celebrate this I will list my favourite tracks.
All lyrics are by Warp 11 and no infringement is intended, if you like what you see go to their website (www.warp11.com ), or buy their music. Also Warp 11 if you are reading this, come to the UK, I would love to hear you perform live.
- It’s Dead Jim
From the fourth album It’s Dead Jim. This song came out after Enterprise was cancelled and is all about the fact there was no more new trek being made. It was a bleak time to be a trekkie and I shared Warp 11’s sadness in this song.
First they took my TOS Then they took my TNG Said “bon voyage” to Voyager Now there’s nothing left for me Decommissioned DS9 Now there’s no more Enterprise Erased the animated show Yeah, she met a quick demise The final frontier has been finalized There ain’t no coming back It’s getting no reprise It boldly came and went Got no Trek to represent I never thought the day Would come that I had to say It’s dead Jim Space is cold and so am I Just like Kirk my show has died Everything has gone awry I guess it’s time to say goodbye ‘Cause Scotty’s gone and so is Bones They took their final voyage home And I guess I’ve always known That some day I’d be alone Tore down the sets today Gave the plastic ears away Sold the props on eBay Left my life in disarray It’s dead Jim Until they bring it back again
- 7 of Mine
From the second album Red Alert. 7 of 9 is one sexy character so it is no surprise that Warp 11 chose to sing about that in a few songs and I think this is probably the best example.
Flesh and bone and silicone You’re all by yourself, but you’re never alone You’re pretty smooth, for a chick full of wires So cold to the touch But you set me on fire Assimilate me Dominate me Short circuit my mind Energize me Your thighs always rise me Let’s go out and make your gears grind Seven of mine One minute you’re cruel And then you’re kind You gave me a virus, but baby I don’t mind ‘Cause I self destruct when I see your behind I’ll show you the difference between seven and nine Chorus Well, life and love are so absurd And assimilation is the final word Resistance is futile can’t you see So, come on now baby and assimilate me I’ll give you an identity Locutus ain’t got nothing on me, oh yeah Let’s grab a shuttle and go to your cube You bring the oil and honey I’ll bring the lube It’s not monogamy ‘Cause in the end When I’m f****** you, I’m f****** all of your friends Chorus
- Old Country Dr.(The Ballad Of Bones)
From the second album Red Alert. A song dedicated to Bones so of course it is great. The use of harmonica makes you think of the country doctor which is a nice touch. This song gets a sequel as well on one of the later albums.
Well, they call me Bones and I’m third in command Second in line is a man I just can’t stand He’s a green blooded, pointy-eared, seven year itch And when he pon farrs He’ll try to make me his bitch Well, I may or may not have divorced my wife But I damn sure pulled the plug on my daddy’s life And two months later, well, they found a cure I’m just an old country doctor on a damned five year tour The damned teleporter Yeah, it gives me the creeps The first time I used it I couldn’t get it up for weeks Now my tricorder’s busted And sick bay just stinks I guess I’ll just go replicate me a drink Chorus Well, Jim is the captain of this here ship We call her the Enterprise, and the crew’s pretty hip Yeah, the girls all wear go-go boots and miniskirts And I spend my days patching all the red shirts Well, I have been asked to do many a thing Outside the area of my expertise Damn it Jim, I know I’ve told you before Damn it Jim, I know I’ve told you before Damn it Jim, damn it Jim, I told you before I’m just an old country doctor on a damned five year tour Just an old country doctor on a damned five year tour
- Space Happy
From the second album Red Alert. This song is just solid good fun, with a catchy chorus that I can’t help singing along to.
Gonna take a five year tour Boldly go where no man’s gone before Gonna travel to the end And make new friends Move ahead warp factor ten Put a miniskirt on my yeoman Represent the human race And we’ll make space A happy place To boldly go where no man’s gone before I think I sang that line once before (But I’m not too sure) We’ll be so happy – can’t you see? A zero-g community Gonna travel to new worlds Beam on down and meet some green girls Gonna see what we can see A fancy-free galaxy Chorus Come and take a tour with me They’ll be no Kahns or Kobiashi Gonna travel to the end And make new friends With aliens Chorus
- And Thats Why I’m In A Star Trek Band
From the second album Red Alert. Not only does the start of this song make me think of the postman pat theme but it is good fun.
I love gettin’ hummers from chicks dressed as Klingons Bumpy heads bobbin’ up and down Like their necks have a spring on And I know their teeth hurt But I still get my thing on And that’s why And that’s why I’m in a Star Trek band I wanna tag team a stripper with Mr. William Shatner He’ll take the front and hell, I’ll take the back-ner And when we blow We’re gonna reach warp factor And that’s why And that’s why I’m in a Star Trek band Well, people ask me Where do I find my joy? Do I like hot girls, green aliens or young boys? Well, I got two words for you my friend – Leonard Nimoy And that’s why And that’s why I’m in a Star Trek band And that’s why And that’s why We’re in a Star Trek band
- Everything I Do (I Do With William Shatner)
From the second album Red Alert. This was probably the first Warp 11 song I heard and it made me want to listen to the rest. Warp 11 don’t just mention trek, they are actual fans as you can tell from the references that litter their songs.
Everything I do, I do with William Shatner Loosing all my hair while my belly’s growing fat-ner And when I drink too much He holds my hair in his hands And while I’m blowing chunks He treats me like the captain Oh, when we get together we boldly go Talk about our favorite episodes I don’t want to go to work Just want to hang with Captain Kirk And if I had my way I’d make it so Everything I do, I do with William Shatner We drink a couple of brews Go to the Laundromat-ner When our clothes are dry We fold them up together ‘Cause everything I do, I do with William Shatner Chorus Hey, spend more time with him than George Takei Say full speed ahead and we’re on our way He is so mysterious His middle name’s Tiberius And he’ll make me his cabin boy someday Hey Bill – Let’s go get a tan Hey Bill – And a green woman Hey Bill – We’ll kill some Romulans Hey Bill – I’m your number one fan ‘Cause everything I do, I do with William Shatner We go to the rodeo and put on our cowboy hat-ners When we paint the town We buy each other dinner We’re fully functional Just like Brent Spiner Everything I do, I do with William Shatner And don’t you wish that you could do it too
- What would William Shatner do?
From the fifth album I Don’t Want to Go to Heaven as Long as They Have Vulcans in Hell. Everyone’s been in situations where they would like to keep there fandom a secret. And what would William Shatner do?
I’ve got a girl, the coolest girl in the world But she ain’t fly for the guys in sci-fi And I’m a guy with a model Enterprise Imagine her surprise if she ever finds out I’ve got a queen, but she only wears blue jeans And I am a guy in Kirk t-shirt Black boots and a red miniskirt I’ll be in world of hurt if she ever finds out I’ve got to think about it I’ve got to work it through If she learns my dark secret What would William Shatner do? I’ve got a chick, in bed a lunatic Won’t be my whore if she knows I love Star Wars And I know only one thing for sure I’ll never score If she ever finds out I’ve got to make a choice now Deceive her or tell her true I know Vulcans never lie but What would William Shatner do? I love War of the Worlds, got a b**** for green girls Alien nations, deep space stations I love flying saucers, say “live long and prosper” “May the force be with you”, Mr. Sulu I want to be your man, “by your command” Don’t want us to be undone, “danger Will Robinson!” And if I decree “beedee beedee bee” Does that mean we’ll be through? What would William Shatner do?
- Trekie Girl
From the second album Red Alert. When I first listened to this song I was a single young man, so of course I dreamed about finding my own Trekie Girl. My wife now shares my love of Trek and looks extremely hot in a starfleet uniform.
She knows every episode She wears the boots that go-go-go She’s got a red miniskirt She makes me play Captain Kirk Trekkie girl, Trekkie girl We go to conventions She gives me erections Girl – my Trekkie girl She paints her skin green And it’s not Halloween She rocks my brave new world She always acts so logical She drives a Volvo Iike it’s our space shuttle (of love) She looks just like Britney Spears Just add a few pounds and some pointy ears Trekkie girl, Trekkie girl She loves outer space Has a black and white face Oh, girl – my Trekkie girl I’m her Leonard Nimoy She’s the real McCoy She’s got a Spock haircut with curls And on some nights she tells me Put my symbiote inside her She separates my saucer Yeah, she knows just what to say And on nights when I loose power Well it doesn’t even phaser She grabs my captain’s log Torpedoes away She knows every episode She wears the boots that go-go-go She’s got a red miniskirt She makes me play Captain Kirk Trekkie girl, Trekkie girl We go to conventions She gives me erections Girl – my Trekkie girl She paints her skin green And it’s not Halloween Oh, girl – my Trekkie girl She loves outer space Has a black and white face Oh, girl – my Trekkie girl I’m her Leonard Nimoy She’s the real McCoy My girl – Trekkie girl
- A Song for People Who Never Watch Star Trek
From the third album Boldly go down on me. This really tells you all you need to know about original series trek, plus I like singing the first line of this song to my son (also called James)
There was this guy His name was Jim You can call him Kirk Or the Captain He had a tan And lots of women Every episode He got to blow his l*** He worked with Spock He was a rock No emotion Nothing could rattle him His blood was green And Pon Farr could make him scream And lose control Though that’s illogical Each week they’d all warp through space Fight an alien race And the Vulcan would pinch a neck If you want to learn more Go to the video store Or just listen to this Song for people who never watch Star Trek Then there was Bones Dr. McCoy Worked with Nurse Chapel And removed the red shirt shrapnel Chased the miniskirts Screaming, “Dammit, Kirk!” Wait that wasn’t him He was screaming, “Dammit Jim!” Each week on the Enterprise All the red shirts would die But no one noticed or got upset And the next generation Will watch in syndication Or just listen to this Song for people who never watch Star Trek And for three seasons You know what they’d do They’d boldly go With the rest of their crew Like Scotty He was a Scot And Chekov He screamed a lot And Uhura And Sulu But let’s face it After Kirk, Spock and McCoy Who gives a f*** about the rest of the crew?
- The Saddest Song Ever Written About Star Trek
From the fourth album It’s Dead Jim. This song really encapsulates the sadness of Star Trek’s cancellation and the passing away of some of Star Treks greats.
It was a warm summer’s night when I sat down to write The prettiest song ever written about Star Trek The sky was clear Full of stars above I thought of Kirk and his crew And their mission of love And I sang the first verse Of the prettiest song ever written about Star Trek When the words came out Everything was wrong For those who’d boldly go Had already gone ‘Cause the show was cancelled And the dream was dead And a red alert started wailing in my head And I realized I had written The saddest song ever written About Star Trek Now the sky was dark Devoid of love And Roddenberry’s ashes were floating up above Raining down on a man Singing the saddest song ever written about Star Trek And now Bones is nothing but bones He finally went and took his final voyage home And Scotty’s body just couldn’t take much more And I’m sure this is the saddest Song ever written about Star Trek I thought about space And the final frontier And I shed a tear as I finished The saddest song ever written about Star Trek